Part 3 – Leaving the Cage Behind

This post is part of From Unravelling to Weaving: My Journey to Recollections Within–a foundational, five-part series sharing the personal journey that gave life to Recollections Within. Each chapter will explore the moments, losses, and revelations that shaped the heart of this community.

The Emotional Paradox

After the loss of my Mum broke me open, I began the slow, often painful process of unravelling my old life. I found myself in a space I hadn’t anticipated: open to a connection that felt profoundly different.

For years, I believed my value came from caring for others and maintaining a quiet, predictable existence. I had built a life on a foundation of naivete, where my voice was silenced and my emotional needs went unmet.

I existed in a state of self-pity and resignation, convinced this was the life I had chosen and that was the end of the story. I believed my happiness rested in the hands of the boy I had loved since I was sixteen. I was stuck in the belief that he needed to change in order for me to be happy.

Lost in the fantasy of what I thought marriage should be, I couldn’t grasp the truth. The simple fact that we were fundamentally wrong for each other was unthinkable. How could it be wrong when I loved him so much?
It was the last thing I wanted to see.
And so, I didn’t.
Until the time came when I could no longer look away.

The unravelling sparked by my mum’s death shattered that illusion. I could finally see nothing in my relationship was going to change unless I changed it. My husband was unwilling—and I now believe, unable—to admit we were not meant to be together in the way we imagined when we were barely more than children. I asked him to let me go. He said nothing. 

It took me far too long to understand that his silence was his answer.

For me, that realization was a brutal, but beautiful awakening that forced me to reclaim my own story, to find my voice, and to acknowledge that my happiness was not a luxury, but a necessity.

The process took years to unfold. It was messy and ugly. I still allowed many things to happen that I should not have, and hurt turned to disdain on both sides. This ending was necessary. It took much longer than it should have, but it finally came.

A Beacon

One day, when I least expected it (cliché, right?!), I encountered someone whose presence offered a stark contrast to the emptiness I had known. He was a force of honesty and vulnerability. His words flowed freely, his heart overflowed with understanding, and he saw the real me in a way no one ever had before.

In reclaiming my truth, I had unknowingly created space for an authentic connection to enter. I had recently decided to become unapologetically myself. I was done trying to be what someone else wanted, done begging for love from someone who didn’t even seem to like me. That old narrative was nothing but a bullshit lie I told myself because I was terrified of the unknown.

And then, there he was. This wasn’t a coincidence. It was the culmination of the brave, difficult steps I had taken toward myself.

This connection felt like a light in the darkness I had been navigating. What once seemed impossible became undeniable. The universe, it seemed, had a plan that defied logic, reason, and every cautionary tale I had ever heard.

We were driven by a shared vision of an honest, safe life together. We both knew, with unwavering certainty, that our paths were meant to converge, and that the life we envisioned together was worth every obstacle. And my god…the obstacles weren’t small. They were mountains we would have to climb, one miniscule step at a time, mostly in the dark.

The Courage to Build a Different Life

The thing about falling in love with this man was the shocking ease of falling.  It was simple. We just got each other, as though we had been speaking the same language all our lives.

The difficulty came not from us, but from everything around us: the weight of old expectations, the pull of familiar patterns, and the pressure of stories we once believed we had to keep living. Those were the mountains we faced. But at its heart, our relationship was built on pure simplicity and a sense of home in one another.

The walls that needed dismantling weren’t between us. They were the ones we carried from the past, defenses and habits formed to survive, to keep the peace, to stay small. Piece by piece, we continue to take them down, not to prove our love, but to make space for it to flourish.

Choosing this life together was an act of courage. Courage to walk away from the safety of sameness. Courage to face the unknown. Courage to let go of what no longer fit.

Sanctuary

For so many reasons, we are  each other’s peace. Through this journey, I learned love can be a powerful catalyst for healing. Our story is a testament to choosing a life more full and more meaningful than you ever dared to imagine.

It taught me my happiness was not a luxury, but a necessity, and that living authentically was the only way forward. I began to see my life not as a series of random events, but as a deliberate journey guided by a deeper purpose, the same purpose that gave birth to the quiet whisper of Recollections Within.

It was a path I had to walk alone first, so I could be ready to walk it with someone else.

This chapter of my life reaffirmed the core belief that runs through Recollections Within: that every woman deserves to live a life of authenticity and joy, that it’s never too late to rewrite your story, and that love, in all its forms, can be a powerful agent of transformation.

It’s about having the courage to listen to that quiet whisper and follow it, no matter where it leads.

In part 4 of the series, I’ll share how external storms tested our newfound love and how those challenges deepened the threads that connect us.

✨ Have you ever chosen to take the other path? What did that look like for you? We’d love for you to become a member and share in The Common Thread forum, or submit your story in all its forms — written, audio, video, or visual arts — to The Quilt. Your voice is what will make this community everything it’s meant to be.

To start from the beginning, visit Part 1 – A Whisper That Meant Everything

Photo Credit: Julia Senkevych